


The Ghost That Need Not Piss Off

by thejammys



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Established Relationship, Ghosts, Halloween, M/M, Sibling Incest, Theme Park Haunted House Character Actors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26038972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejammys/pseuds/thejammys
Summary: Thor and Loki work as haunted house characters for a theme park. After their final shift on Halloween, they're hooking up in the back of a spooky prop when a ghost appears in need of their help.
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	The Ghost That Need Not Piss Off

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This idea came to me a couple of hours ago. Here we are.

oooooo

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

Thor tucks his gloved hands behind his back and makes exaggerated eyes at the two children before him who clutch each other’s arms in mixed delight and fear.

One boy nods his head rapidly, but the other looks skeptical.

The scenario is not unfamiliar to Thor, even before he started working at the Global Studios theme park Super Spooky Nights, and he tries not to break character by smiling at the thought of his own brother’s dubiousness.

“It’s a curious thing…” he begins, and the line starts the audio cue for the eerie and mysterious score that accompanies his monologue.

“I didn’t used to think ghosts were real either,” Thor continues, looking pointedly at the dark-haired child who had not nodded at him. “But then one day something strange happened.”

Behind him, a blue gel light illuminates over his hearse and Thor turns to it.

“I had just delivered a body to the cemetery. It was a young woman who died tragically at the hands of the Cruel Countess.”

The Cruel Countess's wicked cackle comes out of nowhere, ear-piercing and chilling, and startles the crowd of guests. The two boys shriek and wind themselves into one little wide-eyed bundle.

“The Countess desired power above all else, and she feared what this young woman was capable of, for everyone knows that women are the most powerful of all.”

The boys nod in sincere agreement.

“So the Cruel Countess struck down the young woman, and then killed her wife, just to be...” and Thor turns back to the audience before he says the final word. “Cruel.”

Normally his speech is a bit more graphic and involves a description of the dagger used and how it’s blood-soaked blade was never found. When he says the line, ‘the young woman begged for her wife’s life, but she was not spared,’ the board operator is supposed to hit the cue for a young woman’s scream. But the children before him look to be no older than six or seven, though this event is intended for guests thirteen and up, so Thor cleverly adjusts his tale and makes a mental note to pull the parents aside once this performance is finished.

Thor takes off his top hat and shakes his head solemnly. “The Countess was eventually locked away for her crimes, but that couldn’t bring the couple back. I buried the young woman myself, offered her spirit my condolences, and then returned to my hearse to leave.”

He steps beside the trunk and places a hand on it.

“The moment I closed the door I heard a voice.”

_ “Help me,” _ the Young Woman’s voice murmurs, and the crowd looks around wildly to spot where the audio came from.

“I thought I must be hearing things,” Thor presses on. “But then I heard it again.”

_ “Help me,” _ repeats, but three levels louder, and cool air and fog begin to pump into the room, drowning everyone’s ankles and wringing shivers out of those who are not yet swayed by the story.

Thor restores his hat and steps forward. “I wasn’t sure where the voice was coming from, when I suddenly felt an awful chill and a sound appeared behind me.”

Much of the audience whips around, expecting to see a ghost, and then rake their frantic eyes all over the room to spot the scare before it can make them scream.

“I looked into the rear-view mirror and couldn’t believe my eyes – it was the young woman!” Thor vociferates as he brings his hands up purposefully.

Though the adults knew how that sentence would end, the young boys, whom Thor hopes and believes are brothers, gasp.

“If you wish to see her for yourself, I can take you to her grave and perhaps her ghost will appear.”

This is followed by a huge boom of thunder and the lights flashing to urge the crowd to quickly follow Thor into the next room.

The house continues down a long hallway, lined with fresh graves and actors dressed as ghosts who pop out from behind headstones and gnarled trees. Their moans punctuate the rest of Thor’s story as he recalls how the young woman begged him to reunite her with her lover, for they were buried apart, and how her soul cannot rest until they are together once more.

It ends in a room made to look like a parlor in a castle, and then the Countess appears with her dagger and the penultimate audio cue, a panicked ‘Run’ that’s whispered at the crowd right as the doors open and the audience flees into the park to escape the cackling villain behind them.

It’s a terribly sad tale, though Thor knows that people come to be frightened and are unlikely to fuss about the devastating ending to this particular house’s narrative.

Loki understood, though. He had frowned when Thor told him what the premise of his assignment was and said, “Jesus.”

Once his last group has sprinted out the exit, hollering and laughing, Thor calls out his final line to them and then closes the doors.

The lights come up inside the room and the Countess actress, Sif, rips off her wig and cap, and sighs.

“Well done, Hearse Driver,” she says to Thor as she shakes her hair out of it’s braids.

He tips his hat to her and they laugh.

It’s Halloween today, which means the final performance of ‘Haunted Hearse’ is complete and Thor doesn’t have to dress as a Victorian driver again for another year, should he return. Tomorrow he and Loki don’t even have to wear pajamas, if they wind up putting them on at all tonight.

They will get home close to two a.m., long after the trick-or-treaters are back in their beds, and so far their only plan is to eat the bat-shaped cookies their mom dropped off and watch Bram Stoker's Dracula for the three thousandth time.

Once they scrub off their ghoulish makeup and Loki rubs himself raw to remove any trace of crowded public place germs, they’ll cuddle up on the couch and relax.

He’s not allowed to leave the park with this costume on, since it belongs to Global Studios, but Thor can move from house to house, and before he removes it for the last time he wants a proper Halloween selfie with his brother.

Thor tells Sif he’s stepping out for a moment and darts out the back door.

_ Haunted Hearse _ is right in the center of the park, and thankfully Loki’s house is only a few minutes away. Since guests are still out and roaming around, Thor has to stay in character and should one stop him and ask for a photo or inquire about his costume, he must answer as the Hearse Driver and tell people to watch out for the Cruel Countess and the Young Woman. Sif has gone out after their house closes and chased people in her costume, making Thor’s warnings all the more appropriate, but tonight he hurries so he can catch Loki before his brother tears off his witch outfit.

When he reaches the ‘Cooky Cauldron’ he waves hello to Heimdall, who manages the entrance.

“Is the last group finished?”

Heimdall pulls his sleeve back to check his watch. “Not quite. If you hurry you may catch them in Loki’s area.”

_ I’d better not catch anyone in my brother’s area, _ Thor thinks as he whispers his thanks and slips inside.

He tries to move silently through each room, and thankfully the performers are all too exhausted to keep up their characters now that the actual guests have moved on.

Plus they see Thor every night when he comes to fetch Loki.

By the time he hears his brother’s nefarious stage-cackle, the last of the guests are filing out of the exit. Thor hangs back until Bruce, the stage manager, comes out to close it and gives the all-clear signal.

Thor sees his brother slump forward and he nearly skips over to perk Loki up.

“Hey handsome, you come here often?” Thor murmurs once he’s close enough to duck his head and flirt with his brother without others overhearing.

The tip of Loki’s hat nearly smacks Thor in the face when he lifts his head and growls.

“I hate people.”

Thor chuckles as he extends a hand to help Loki up.

“I know you do, Grunty.”

Loki shoots him an unamused look and yanks his hat off. He thrusts it against Thor’s chest, who takes it without needing to be asked, and sighs dramatically.

“I need a bath,” Loki groans as he stretches his arms and pops his back. He steps down from the platform where his massive cauldron rests and then turns back. “Oh, can you grab my beak?”

Thor reaches out and catches his brother’s nose between his thumb and pointer finger.

“How dare you!” Loki scowls as he swats Thor’s hand away. “My crow’s beak, you massive turd.”

Said beak is inside the cauldron, and has to be returned to props at the end of the night due to its tiny and delicate nature. Thor fishes it out and grins at his brother.

“I want to get a picture of us at Haunted Hearse before we change,” he says.

Loki makes a face like Thor has just offered him a piece of broccoli.

“Thor, I have been wearing tights for seven hours.”

“I know, but your legs look great in those tights and it will only take a second,” Thor coos, though he is equally eager to remove this restrictive waist-coat that was intended for someone who does not do as many pull-ups as Thor has incorporated into his daily exercise routine. Even taking a deep breath is a threat to every eyeball nearby as the buttons could go at any moment.

Loki juts his bottom jaw forward like a barracuda and remains indignant and uncooperative.

But Thor has lived twenty two years as Loki’s twin and knows precisely how to make his brother do what he wants. He steps forward to put his face close to Loki’s ear and purrs, “If you do it, I’ll make your dick into my Halloween candy.”

“What?!”

Swing and a miss.

“Like a lollipop! I meant a lollipop! Suck!” Thor corrects, abandoning his husky seductive voice and realizing that the way he had imagined this going in his head actually sounded dreadful.

“Good god, Thor, after that I’m not letting you anywhere near my lollipop,” Loki mumbles as he takes his hat back.

The brothers exit and stroll back through the park, making scary faces when guests point at them, as they discuss what Halloween-themed cocktails they’re in the mood to make when they get home.

“ _ Batinis _ ,” Loki suggests after he shoots down everything involving whiskey, rum, and tequila.

“I do have that licorice syrup,” Thor replies as they slip into his house’s back entrance, as the front is now shut to keep guests out.

“Ugh,”Loki says, making his vegetable face. “That’s disgusting and I am not putting anything licorice anywhere near my body.”

Thor pulls his phone out of his pocket and opens the camera when he and Loki approach his hearse. “How will you make it bat themed?”

“I’ll hang upside down while I drink it,” Loki grumbles as Thor slips an arm around his waist and holds the phone up once they’re in position.

“Say, ‘I can’t wait for my brother to lick my lollipop’,” Thor says in a low voice.

“I’m never letting my brother touch me again,” Loki says through his teeth as he offers a sarcastic smile for the camera.

Thor nudges Loki’s hip with his own and briefly digs his fingers into Loki’s side to make him grin.

The flash blinds them and ultimately isn’t even worth it. When Thor shows Loki the photo, his expression moves from ‘annoyed at being tickled’ to ‘horrified by own face’.

“Delete that and let’s take another. And do  _ not _ tickle me!” Loki orders.

Thor pulls Loki close once more. “Say ‘Thor loves me so much and can’t wait to get a print of this to put in a frame on his bedside table!’”

Loki’s smile is genuine this time, and the flash spotlights all the pleasure at being loved written all over Loki’s face that he would otherwise hide away in his difficult little butthead brain.

When the brothers deem the photo an acceptable representation of their corporeal forms, Thor goes to unbutton his vest and Loki stops him.

“Is that a real hearse?” Loki asks, jerking his head at the back of the vehicle.

“As far as I know it’s just a set piece. I don’t even think there’s an engine,” Thor answers. “Why?”

Beneath the brim of Loki’s witch hat, a mischievous grin spreads across his face.

“Wanna do something naughty?” he hums, punctuating the question by lifting his eyebrows and stepping close enough for Thor to feel the candy between his legs.

Thor glances over his shoulder to make sure they’re alone and then wraps both arms around Loki’s waist. “What did you have in mind?”

oooooo

It turns out that whether or not it was a functional vehicle is not the only problem with getting intimate in the back of the hearse. It’s nearly pitch black, and while Loki did finally manage to properly straddle his brother’s waist, he did so after kneeing Thor in the stomach.

Additionally, Thor’s excessive costume makeup makes Loki feel like he’s making out with a melting crayon.

Thor moves his lips to Loki’s neck, brushing his brother’s curls out of the way, and massages the warm bare thighs wrapped around him.

Their horny panting steams the windows, though they’re tinted so it’s difficult to tell, and just as Loki tilts his head back and prepares to let out a moan when Thor bites down on his shoulder, an unexpected interruption makes their sphincters go tight with fright.

_ “Help me _ .”

Loki yelps and nearly explodes off of Thor’s lap. “What the hell was that?”

Thor shakes his head and brushes Loki’s hair back to soothe him. “It’s an audio cue from the performance.”

“Oh. Well, why did it go off now?” Loki asks as he narrows his eyes at the window he can’t see out of.

“Maybe they hit a button while shutting down the board,” Thor murmurs against Loki’s soft skin, eager to resume his kisses.

Though his heart continues to hammer, Loki permits the smooching and tries to get lost in Thor’s touch once more. He closes his eyes and places his hands on his brother’s shoulders as teeth nibble on his earlobe.

_ “Help me _ .”

Although the voice certainly sounds like it’s inside the hearse, rather than outside on the speakers, the brothers don’t stop their caresses and Thor slides his hands under Loki’s witch robe to press on the small of his back with one and tease a taut nipple with the other.

“ _ Hey, idiots. Help me _ .”

Frankly, it’s a shame no one was around to record the harpy-like shriek that Loki let out.

The brothers turn their heads to the direction of the interruption and see a shadowy bluish grey figure of a young woman in a blood-stained suit staring at them in a way that suggests they have exhausted her more than the knife wounds she has clearly suffered.

Thor grips Loki tightly and holds up his right arm like a shield. “The young woman!” he hisses in a breathy screech.

“It’s Val, actually,” the ghost says, and the otherworldly echo from before disappears, replaced by a dry tone.

“What was in the fog they pumped in here?” Loki asks.

Val raises an eyebrow and appears entirely drained. “Haven’t you ever seen a ghost before?”

“Ghosts aren’t real,” Loki protests to the ghost he claims does not exist.

“I don’t have time for you,” Val says, shaking her head as though annoyed and then rolling her eyes to Thor. “You. I’ve seen you in here every day telling my story. You know it, you believe it.”

Thor nods, and though Loki turns to scoff at him for engaging with what he believes to be an off-brand fog induced hallucination that could be rectified with fresh air, it’s too dark and Thor is too enthralled to notice.

“I need you to help reunite me with my wife.”

Just as Loki says, “What!” Thor’s jaw drops.

“It’s not just a story?” he asks as he relaxes his arm and tries not to look excited at confirming the horror of her tragic story being more than fiction, though this is his first interaction with a ghost.

Val shakes her head. “Every bit is true. But your telling leaves out that Hela, the Cruel Countess, killed far more women than my love and me. She took out my horse too.”

“ _ No _ ,” Thor reacts breathlessly, incredulous at the abhorrence.

Loki looks between the brother he is still straddling and the fog ghost. “What is happening.”

“Look, if the rest of this tale is true and you really did take my body to the cemetery and bury me then you’ll know how to find me again. You must find my love’s remains and lay us to rest together, or I’ll be trapped in this nightmare forever,” Val says, leaning forward so the brother’s can see the sincerity in her long dead eyes.

Thor inclines his head sympathetically. “I’m not really the Hearse Driver, though, this is just a costume for a haunted house—”

“No,” Val interrupts, shaking her head. “You’re more than that. This place has opened every year for decades now and I haven’t felt a connection to the Hearse Driver since I was first laid to rest. Maybe you’re a descendant of my family, but  _ you _ will be the one to help me.”

“Knowing our family we’re probably related to the Countess,” Loki grumbles as he drops his hands from Thor’s shoulders defeatedly.

“All the more reason to help me,” Val says sharply, turning her head to Loki.

“I was being sarcastic. Even if we could find your lover in historical records, we can’t go digging up graves,” Loki argues, and Thor decides not to point out that if Loki thought she wasn’t real this would be a moot point.

Val considers Loki and seems to glow more brightly than before.

“He’s your lover, isn’t he?” she asks, gesturing to Thor.

Loki’s eyes flick to his brother and then back to her. “Yes,” he answers, discomfited.

“How would you feel if someone killed him, right in front of you? If they laughed while they did it. Can you imagine what it’s like for your dying thought to be that at least his killer takes you out with the same blade so you leave this world with his blood joined with yours, and hope that it’s enough to keep your souls bound for the rest of time?” she asks in an eerily calm voice.

Thor feels Loki tremble and Val’s glow lights him just enough for Thor to spy a tear roll down Loki’s cheek.

Loki swallows and inhales sharply through his nose. “Alright,” he answers quietly. “We’ll help you.”

Val sits back and offers them a small smile. “Pleasure doing business with you boys.”

Thor brushes the tear away and holds his brother’s neck fondly. He cannot imagine what it would be like to lose Loki like that — to lose Loki at all – and he knows his brother feels the same.

They are quiet while they calm their hearts and breathing, until Val quirks her head at them.

“So, did I hear him call you ‘brother’ earlier?”

oooooo

It took months to locate Val’s wife. Evenings, weekends, lunch breaks, bathroom breaks — but the thought of being parted from one another for eternity kept Thor and Loki going.

Finally, on a chilly grey Thursday in January, they found her.

Fortunately for the brothers, she was cremated, and the museum that held her ashes had light security.

Before Val’s worn and weathered headstone, the brothers stand in her freshly dug grave, for this cemetery is too old to have any security at all, and hold each other’s hands.

“Sorry it took so long, Val, but we found her,” Thor says as he tries valiantly to hold back his tears.

Loki removes the lid from the urn and holds it over where he believes Val’s heart lay before her body decomposed. He slowly tilts it so the ashes pour out, and takes his own shuddering breath.

“May you find each other once more,” he whispers.

They bury the couple, leave heliotropes and yarrows on the grave, and ask Val to help them find each other when the time comes.

Later that night, when the brothers have removed their dirty clothes and washed their tear-stained cheeks, they cuddle close on the couch and each place a hand over their love’s heart.

“Do you think they’re together?” Loki croaks, just before Thor’s even heartbeat can lull him to sleep.

Thor tightens his arms around his brother and kisses Loki’s head. “I’m certain of it.”

On the other side, Val and her wife hold each other similarly, and thank their stars for the brothers who believed in a ghost.

oooooo

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Thank you for reading! Happy Halloween!


End file.
